You ever look back at an ex, shake your head, and wonder, What the actual hell was I thinking?
I know you have. Because I have too.
It’s wild how we can fully understand—logically—that someone was terrible for us, that the relationship drained us, that we deserved so much better… and yet? There we are.
Missing them. Stalking their social media. Replaying the good memories like some nostalgic rom-com instead of the psychological thriller it actually was.
So why is it so damn hard to get over someone when we know, deep down, they weren’t even good for us?
Let’s talk about it.
1. Because Your Brain Loves Familiarity (Even When It’s Toxic)
Listen, your brain is not out here trying to help you find your soulmate—it’s just trying to keep you safe. And “safe” doesn’t mean happy—it means familiar.
That’s why even when you know that relationship wasn’t good for you, your brain craves the comfort of what it knew. It’s like when you eat fast food even though you know it makes you feel sluggish and bloated. But it’s easy, familiar, and accessible. So you go back.
Your ex? Same concept.
Just because something is comfortable doesn’t mean it’s right.
2. Because You’re Not Missing Them, You’re Missing How They Made You Feel
Let’s be real for a second: are you really missing him, or are you missing…
☑️ Having someone to text all day?
☑️ The intimacy?
☑️ The routine?
☑️ The illusion of security?
Sometimes we don’t actually miss the person—we just miss the way we felt in the moments that were good. And the thing about toxic relationships? The highs are high as hell. So when it’s over, we romanticize those highs and conveniently forget that 90% of the time, we were anxious, over-explaining ourselves, or waiting for an apology that never came.
3. Because Your Ego is Wounded, Not Your Heart
Whewwww. Let’s go there.
Sometimes, it’s not even about them. It’s about the fact that they didn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved. And that? That hurts.
Because you know you’re an amazing woman. You know you gave your all. You know you loved them deeply. So the fact that they couldn’t or wouldn’t return that love? It messes with your head. Not because you want them back, but because you can’t understand why someone wouldn’t see your worth.
(And now you’re mad. Which is valid. But sis, let that hurt ego go before it turns into a text you regret.)
4. Because They Took a Piece of You That You Need to Reclaim
Some relationships don’t just end. They change you.
Maybe you lost your confidence.
Maybe you lost your trust in love.
Maybe you lost the part of yourself that used to be carefree and open.
And that’s the real loss. Not them.
This is why you feel stuck.
Because you’re not just mourning them—you’re mourning who you were before they hurt you.
And the only way to truly move on is to reclaim that part of yourself.
So How Do You Actually Let Them Go?
I wish I could give you some cute, easy 3-step process, but I’m not about to lie to you.
Letting go of someone who wasn’t good for you is an emotional detox. You have to reprogram your brain to stop craving them. You have to starve your curiosity about what they’re doing. You have to remind yourself, daily, why they don’t deserve access to you.
But more than anything?
You have to stop acting like they were all that great to begin with.
Because if you really think about it, sis… they weren’t. And one day, you’re going to wonder why you ever wasted a single tear on them.
I promise.
P.S.
If this hit home, then Letters to My Ex is exactly what you need. It’s not some “light read” about getting over an ex. It’s raw, emotional, and real as hell—because sometimes, we just need to know that someone else has felt what we’ve felt. Read it here.