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You meet a guy.
He’s charming, attentive, and the way he calls you “Beautiful” makes your heart flutter. After feeling lonely for what seems like forever, the attention he’s giving you feels like water to a parched soul. Finally, someone is feeding you the affection and validation you’ve been craving—or maybe even starving for after your last relationship left you emotionally depleted.
It feels good. Really good.
Butterflies-in-your-stomach, can’t-stop-smiling-when-his-name-pops-up-on-your-phone kind of good.
But as the days turn into weeks, a few red flags start to show. Some are obvious, things you’ve seen with your own eyes. Others are subtle—a feeling in your gut, a quiet whisper from your intuition.
Maybe it’s the way his tone shifts when he’s had a bad day, leaving you tiptoeing around his mood.
Maybe he’s made one too many “jokes” that leave you feeling uneasy.
Maybe he’s “in between jobs right now,” and you find yourself footing the bill more often than not.
Or maybe there haven’t been any dates at all—just late-night visits to your place, watching Netflix and hooking up.
You want to say something. You should say something. But you hesitate.
You’re afraid addressing these red flags will “run him off.” So, against your better judgment, you stay silent. You tell yourself the red flags aren’t that big of a deal. You gaslight yourself into believing you’re overthinking.
Or maybe there are no glaring red flags, none of the ones Instagram told you to look out for. Instead, he’s upfront: “I just want to be friends with benefits.”
The problem? That’s not what you want.
You’re dating to find a partner—someone to build a committed relationship with. But the loneliness you’ve been feeling makes his offer tempting. “At least I’ll have someone to hold me at night,” you think. And just like that, you silence your intuition, bury your voice, and ignore your needs.
The cycle of abandoning yourself begins.
Recognize This Pattern?
If any of this resonates, you’re not alone.
I’ve seen this scenario play out with so many of the women I’ve coached over the years. And as a former (recovering) anxiously attached, people-pleaser with daddy wounds as deep as the ocean, I’ve lived it myself.
I get it: loneliness is heavy. The longing for connection, for someone to make you feel seen and wanted, can make even the most self-assured woman second-guess herself. But here’s the thing: desperation born out of loneliness will have you settling for crumbs—and calling it love.
For years, I made the men I dated the main characters of my life. Their needs, their moods, their approval—it all took priority over my own. I twisted myself into knots, chasing crumbs and convincing myself that it was enough.
But one day, I had enough.
Making the Shift
The day I decided to decenter men was the day everything changed.
I looked inward. I asked myself hard questions. I made myself the main character of my life for the first time ever. That meant learning to:
Trust my intuition. If something feels off, it is off. Period.
Speak up for what I want. Even if it means risking rejection.
Prioritize my needs. Because no man is worth abandoning myself for.
It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
Your Turn
If you saw yourself in any of the scenarios I shared earlier, it’s probably time for you to make the same shift. Decenter men. Center yourself.
And before you say, “But I don’t know where to start!”—let me stop you right there.
Start by clicking on the book below.
Read it. Reflect on it. Let it guide you.
And then thank me later. 😉
Much love,
