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  • Writer's pictureCici.B

ABOUT DATING APPS (a short story)

Updated: Jun 19

“What do you think about dating apps, B?” 

I had bumped into an acquaintance of mine while I was downtown running some errands. She was with a few of her co-workers, about to grab lunch at a restaurant nearby, and invited me to join them. I was actually starving so I accepted the invite. 

While waiting for our meal, the conversation went from work stuff to the topic of men, dating, and dating apps. 

I had been quiet while her co-workers spoke about how long they’ve been on the apps (two-three years), and how sh*tty the men on there were and the dates they went on were.

I typically don’t join in on these types of conversations with women I don’t know unless I’m asked a direct question, mostly because, well…my thoughts and opinions around all things dating, relationships, and dating apps tend to be unpopular, and because I’m aware of that, I keep my mouth shut.

So, when Tanya asked my thoughts about dating apps, and all the other women at the table fell silent and turned their heads in my direction, I hesitated. 

Tanya, intuitively picking up on the reason for my hesitation, let out a soft laugh, “It’s okay, B. You’re not about to be viciously attacked for your thoughts like you are on Instagram - you’re safe here, girl.”

That made me laugh and exhale a sigh of relief, “Whew! The trauma of my comment sections is real.”

“Girl, I see it all the time and I be like, gawt damn.”

One of her co-workers, Kim, smiled, “Gon’ head, girl. Speak your piece. You’re good here.”

I returned the smile and nodded my head, “Okay, here it goes: I’ve never used a dating app and I never will. I think of dating apps as cheap menus - low quality, fast food drive-through experiences that provide an immediate gratification but wears off in a few hours leaving you feeling like shit and hungry again. I like fine dining experiences. From the hostess leading me to my table, to my chair being pulled out for me, to the tasting of the wine before more is poured into my glass, to the time it takes in between courses to digest, to the waiters checking in to make sure that every course is up to my liking. 

Fine dining courts you from the very beginning. The experience is curated to be slow-paced, delicate, savory, and filling. Fast food drive-throughs on the other hand…oh, they let you know from the very beginning that they don’t give a fuck about you.”

All the women sat quietly for a moment, taking in my perspective while I reached for my glass of sparkling water and sipped it. 

“Well, damn,” Kim finally said. “That analogy is going to stick with me for the rest of my life now, because never have I ever thought of it like that. Sh*t.” 

I shot her a friendly wink, “Like I always tell my ladies, ‘food for thought. Finish your plate and go be great.’”

. . .

If you read this and thought to yourself, "Disagree. I found the love of my life on a dating app" - that's great! Genuinely love that for you. There's just nothing to actually disagree with though, since I'm not telling anyone to use or not to use a dating app - I'm simply sharing why I've never used them, and never would.

I personally have never entertained the thought of using a dating app because it gives me the same feeling as when I see pictures of disgusting AirBnB photos - it makes me itchy.

I've never been into coffee dates.

I've never been into going to meet up with some strange ass dude who I chatted over text or even FaceTime with for a few days.

I've never been interested in "looking" for a man - l'm not a hunter.

I've never been into going on a date with a new man every 8 business days (even the thought of that feels so exhausting to me. It's giving, Slim Shady, "Hi! My name is!" on repeat and immediately no.)

I've just never been a dating app girlie.

I LIKE being courted, I DON'T like to be rushed, AND I understand that most men on dating apps are matching with 5-6 other women at time, which for the most part means they're taking women out on cheap dates, AND I don't even fault them for it cause let's keep it real - that sh*t will get expensive QUICK!

All that said, I know what I like, so l've simply stayed away from spaces that weren't build to provide me with the experiences that I like - it's that simple for me.

If your dating life is a bit of a shit show, or you've been on a "break" from dating but are feeling like it's time to maybe get back out there, you might want to read this first.

It used to be one of my most popular group workshops, but I turned it into an ebook/workbook so that more women who needed it could access it and go through it at their own pace. There is a lot of homework it in to help you recognize your own dating patterns, limiting beliefs in dating, your dating values, dating boundaries, and A LOT more. Click on the book cover above and get to work, girl ;)

Sending you love. Go be great.


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