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“What do you think about dating apps, B?”
It was an unexpected question, but not entirely surprising.
I’d bumped into Tanya, an acquaintance of mine, while running errands downtown. She was with a few of her co-workers, about to grab lunch, and invited me to join. Since my stomach had been loudly protesting for the past hour, I accepted.
The conversation at the table had started innocently enough—work stuff, local gossip—but quickly turned to men, dating, and of course, dating apps.
Tanya’s co-workers had been swapping stories, each one worse than the last: sh*tty men, disastrous dates, and the collective exhaustion of being on the apps for years. I stayed quiet, sipping my water, because honestly? These conversations are tricky. My thoughts about dating, relationships, and especially dating apps, tend to rub people the wrong way. So I listened and kept my peace—until Tanya put me on the spot.
“What do you think about dating apps, B?” she asked, drawing the attention of everyone at the table.
Every head turned in my direction, and for a moment, I hesitated.
Tanya caught my discomfort immediately. She chuckled softly. “It’s okay, B. You’re not about to be viciously attacked for your thoughts like you are on Instagram—you’re safe here, girl.”
Her words made me laugh and exhale at the same time. “Whew! The trauma of my comment sections is real.”
“Girl, I see it all the time and I’m like, gawt damn,” Tanya replied.
One of her co-workers, Kim, smiled and added, “Gon’ head, girl. Speak your piece. You’re good here.”
I nodded, returned her smile, and leaned forward slightly. “Alright, here it goes: I’ve never used a dating app, and I never will.”
A moment of silence passed.
“I think of dating apps as cheap menus,” I continued. “They’re like fast food drive-throughs: low quality, immediate gratification, but ultimately unsatisfying. Sure, they fill you up for a moment, but you’re left feeling like sh*t and hungry again a few hours later. Me? I like fine dining experiences.
“I want to be courted from the very beginning. From the hostess leading me to my table, to my chair being pulled out, to the tasting of the wine before it’s poured into my glass. I like the time it takes between courses to savor the meal, the slow, delicate pacing, the attention to detail. Fine dining makes you feel valued, seen, and appreciated. Fast food drive-throughs, on the other hand…they let you know from the jump that they don’t give a damn about you.”
I paused, reaching for my glass of sparkling water and taking a slow sip.
The table was silent, the weight of my words sinking in.
“Well, damn,” Kim finally said, breaking the quiet. “That analogy is going to stick with me for the rest of my life. Never thought of it like that before.”
I winked playfully. “Like I always tell my ladies: ‘Food for thought. Finish your plate and go be great.’”
My Thoughts on Dating Apps
Now, before anyone comes for me in the comments, let me say this: if you’re reading this and thinking, “Disagree! I found the love of my life on a dating app,” that’s great! Genuinely, I love that for you.
But let’s be clear: there’s nothing to disagree with here. I’m not telling anyone what to do—I’m just sharing why dating apps aren’t for me.
For starters, the entire vibe of dating apps gives me the same feeling as those disgusting AirBnB photos that go viral online: itchy.
I’ve never been into coffee dates.
I’ve never been interested in meeting up with some random guy I chatted with for a few days.
I’ve never been into “looking” for a man—hunting isn’t my thing.
I’ve never liked the idea of going on dates with a new man every week. Honestly, the thought of that exhausts me. It’s giving Slim Shady’s “Hi! My name is!” on repeat, and I’m immediately out.
I like being courted. I don’t like being rushed.
And I know most men on dating apps are matching with five or six women at a time—which often leads to cheap dates. And you know what? I don’t even fault them for it—dating is expensive. But that’s not the experience I want for myself.
At the end of the day, I know what I like, and I avoid spaces that can’t provide it. It’s really that simple.
So, if dating apps work for you, amazing! But as for me? I’ll stick to fine dining. 😉
If your dating life is a bit of a shit show, or you've been on a "break" from dating but are feeling like it's time to maybe get back out there, you might want to read this first.
It used to be one of my most popular group workshops, but I turned it into an ebook/workbook so that more women who needed it could access it and go through it at their own pace. There is a lot of homework it in to help you recognize your own dating patterns, limiting beliefs in dating, your dating values, dating boundaries, and A LOT more. Click on the book cover above and get to work, girl ;)
Sending you love. Go be great.
