We’ve all been there.
It’s 11:43 PM.
You’re wide awake in bed, scrolling through old messages, staring at old photos, fighting the urge to text him.
Your brain? LOUD.
Telling yourself you don’t care? Lying.
Telling yourself you’re over it? Also lying.
Telling yourself you miss him? Maybe… but let’s be real for a second:
Do you really miss him?
Or do you just miss…
✔️ The comfort of what you knew?
✔️ Having someone to text?
✔️ The routine of talking every day?
✔️ The validation of knowing someone “wanted” you?
Because, girl, those are not the same thing.
1. Love Isn’t the Same as Comfort (But We Confuse the Two All the Time)
Here’s what happens when a relationship ends:
Your heart aches.
Your mind plays highlight reels of the good moments.
Your brain goes into withdrawal because it’s missing the routine.
And that’s where we get tripped up.
Because when something has been part of your daily life for months or years, it becomes a habit. And when that habit is suddenly gone? You crave it—even if it wasn’t good for you.
This is why women go back to men who drained them.
This is why we convince ourselves that toxic exes weren’t that bad.
This is why nostalgia fools us into thinking we lost something special.
When in reality?
We just lost the comfort of what we knew.
2. You’re Not Actually Missing Him—You’re Missing How He Made You Feel
Oof. Let’s sit with that one for a second.
Because if we’re being honest… a lot of the time, it’s not even him that you want back.
It’s the physical intimacy.
It’s the comfort of having someone, even if they weren’t showing up the way you deserved.
You don’t miss the nights you went to bed crying.
You don’t miss the times you felt unheard, unseen, or unappreciated.
You don’t miss the anxiety of wondering if he really cared.
So why are you romanticizing a situation that made you question your worth?
3. Breaking the Habit of Missing Him
The worst thing you can do after a breakup?
Act on missing someone before you actually unpack why you miss them.
Here’s how you start breaking the habit:
🔹 Remove the rose-colored glasses. Stop looking at your relationship through a highlight reel. If it was really that good, you wouldn’t have had to convince yourself to stay.
🔹 Interrupt the routine. Feeling like you need to text him? Text a friend instead. Missing intimacy? Take yourself out for a solo date. Your brain needs new habits so it stops craving the old ones.
🔹 Remember the truth. The love you want—the love you deserve—isn’t something you should have to question. If he didn’t give you that, then he wasn’t actually what you wanted.
4. When You Finally Stop Missing Him…
Here’s what happens when you really move on:
✨ You stop stalking his social media (because you genuinely don’t care anymore).
✨ You stop feeling that sharp sting when his name comes up.
✨ You stop wanting to go back to something that didn’t feed your soul.
And one day?
You’ll wake up, realizing you never really missed him—you just missed the habit of having him.
And habits? Can be broken.
The Takeaway: You Deserve More Than Just Comfort
Comfort is easy. But love—the kind that fills your cup instead of draining it—that’s what you’re really looking for.
So when you feel like you’re missing him? Ask yourself if you’re actually missing him, or if you’re just uncomfortable with change.
And if you need a little more help unpacking all of this (without sugarcoating the hard truths), my book Letters to My Ex is exactly what you need. 📖 Read it here.
XO,
