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Let’s start with a question: How many times have you caught yourself chasing after or clinging to a man who’s shown you—time and time again—that he’s just not good for you?
Maybe he’s treating you like crap, disrespecting your boundaries, or simply not showing up for you the way you need him to. And yet, there you are, trying to prove your worth, holding onto hope that one day he’ll wake up and choose you.
Girl, we need to have a heart-to-heart about this, because here’s the hard truth: It’s not about him. It’s about you.
If you’ve ever said:
“He treats me like shit!”
“He doesn’t respect me!”
Then let me ask you this: Why do you want to be chosen by someone who treats you like shit? Why do you want to be chosen by someone who doesn’t respect you?
Sit with that for a moment.
Center Yourself, Not Him
The conversation can’t always be about how “these men ain’t shit.” If you want your dating life to change, you’ve got to start shifting the focus back to yourself. Because here’s the thing: When you center yourself, you take your power back.
So, instead of asking, “Why are men like this?” start asking yourself:
Why do I keep attaching myself to men who clearly aren’t good for me?
What’s going on inside of me that I need to heal?
Why do I crave validation from the ‘bad boys’?
Why am I drawn to emotionally unavailable men?
Why do I settle for men who are chaotic and can’t even show up for themselves?
See where I’m going with this? These aren’t easy questions to ask, but they’re necessary.
Discomfort Is the Doorway to Growth
If reading this makes you feel triggered or uncomfortable, that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually an opportunity. That discomfort? It’s your soul tapping you on the shoulder, saying, “Hey, pay attention—there’s something here you need to work through.”
Let that discomfort guide you away from the men who don’t deserve you and back toward yourself. Because the truth is, everything starts and ends with you.
My Journey to Self-Centering
I say this with love and from experience. My own dating life used to be a dumpster fire. I spent too much time in toxic, one-sided relationships, blaming the men I dated for my unhappiness. But when I finally stopped pointing fingers and started looking in the mirror, things began to shift.
Centering myself was hard at first. Change always is. But over time, my life got better, I got better, and the type of relationships I attracted completely transformed.
I owed myself that. And girl, so do you.
The Truth About Breaking the Cycle
Here’s the bottom line: You can only blame the men you’ve chosen for so long. Eventually, you have to face your reflection and get honest about the patterns you need to break. Commit to the work. Center yourself in your own life. When you do, the way you move—and the way others move around you—will change for the better.
I hope this post inspires you in some way, shape, or form. If nothing else, let it be food for thought. All I ask is that you finish your plate so you can go be great.
P.S. If your dating life has been a bit (or a lot) of a mess, I’ve got resources to help you untangle it.
Click here to grab the book that can guide you toward the love—and life—you deserve.
Much love,
