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Let’s set the scene. You’re out here in the dating world, scrolling through apps, swiping right, trying to figure out if that “hey” text is worth your time. Maybe you’re sitting across the table from a guy on date number two, wondering, Is this going anywhere, or am I wasting my time?
Sound familiar?
Dating can feel like a jungle, but the truth is, navigating it doesn’t have to be as chaotic as we make it. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situationship (yes, I see you), or attached to a man who clearly wasn’t for you, these tips are for you. Because sometimes, it’s not just about knowing what to do—it’s about knowing what not to do.
Alright, girl, let’s get into it.
1. Build That Self-Esteem First
Before you dive back into the dating pool, check in with yourself. Are you feeling confident and secure in who you are? Or are you secretly hoping that a relationship will “fix” you or fill a void?
Here’s the thing: Dating with low self-esteem is like walking around with a neon sign that says, “I’ll settle for less.” The lower your self-esteem, the lower the quality of the men you’ll attract—and worse, stay attached to. So, do the inner work first. Heal. Grow. Build yourself up so you can date from a place of self-worth instead of desperation. Because when you know your worth, you’re less likely to entertain men who don’t.
2. Set Boundaries—for YOU
Let’s talk about dating boundaries, and no, I’m not talking about setting rules for him—I’m talking about setting rules for yourself. Here’s why: When you don’t have clear boundaries, it’s easy to blur the line between casual dating and a committed relationship. That’s how you end up in yet another ghetto-ass situationship, confused and feeling played.
For example, if you know that sleeping over at a man’s house too early makes you feel like you’re in a relationship—even when you’re not—then set a boundary: No sleepovers until there’s a commitment. Simple as that. Boundaries protect your peace and keep you grounded in reality. Trust me, your future self will thank you. (By the way, I’ve got exercises to help you with this in my Sis, Get Your Sht Together Journal – Struggle Love Edition*. Click here to grab it!)
3. Know What You Need—Then Let Him Be Himself
Before you start dating, take some time to get real about what qualities and character traits you actually need in a partner. I’m talking non-negotiables here.
But here’s the kicker: Once you know what you’re looking for, let the man you’re dating be himself. Don’t try to mold him into the partner you want him to be. He either is or isn’t the man for you. If he’s not, thank him for his time and move along.
Girl, stop wasting your energy trying to “make” a man fit into your vision of a relationship. If it doesn’t flow naturally, it’s not for you—and that’s okay.
4. Keep Your Business to Yourself—At First
Let’s normalize keeping some things private, especially in the early stages of dating. Your new date doesn’t need to know your whole life story on the first (or even third) date. That includes your “toxic ex” chronicles, family drama, or childhood traumas.
Here’s why: Vulnerability is earned, not freely given to every man who takes you to dinner. Save the deeper conversations for when he’s proven himself trustworthy. In the meantime, focus on light, fun, and surface-level topics that let you get to know him without putting all your cards on the table.
5. Believe Him When He Says He Doesn’t Want a Relationship
Listen closely to this one: When a man says, “I don’t want to be in a committed relationship,” believe him the first time. I don’t care if he’s treating you like a girlfriend, introducing you to his family, or whispering sweet nothings in your ear during…intimate moments. If he says he’s not looking for a relationship, he means it.
Do not let mixed signals confuse you into sticking around for something that isn’t aligned with what you want. If you’re looking for commitment and he’s not, it’s your cue to keep it moving. Don’t waste your time trying to change his mind—it’s not your job to convince someone to want you.
I hope these tips help you in some way, shape, or form. If nothing else, let it be food for thought—just make sure you finish your plate so you can go be great ;)
P.S. I’m 38 now and in a healthy, happy relationship, but I spent most of my twenties learning these lessons the hard way. If you want to read more about my journey, click here to check out my books.
Sometimes just knowing that another woman has been where you are and made it through can make all the difference in the world.
Much love,
