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  • Writer's pictureCici.B

DECENTER THE MEN WHO AREN'T GOOD FOR YOU

Updated: Oct 9, 2023

If you’re always chasing and attaching yourself to men who keep showing you over and over again that they do not like you, while desperately begging them to CHOOSE you: you should probably stop worrying about why certain men do what they do, and start worrying about you, girl.



“He treats me like shit!”

Okay; so why do you so badly want to be chosen by a man who treats you like shit?

“He doesn’t respect me!”

Right; so why do you so badly want to be chosen by a man who doesn’t respect you?


You want men who are already showing you that they are not good for you, to choose you—why?

That's a question you intentionally have to ask yourself, because here's the truth: The conversation can't always be about "these ain't shit men" that you date and attach yourself to. If you want the men you date to change, then you're going to have to start centering yourself in more of those conversations, a lot more, so that you can change the type of men you date. Are you picking up what I'm putting down?


Here's what centering yourself in those conversations sound like:

"Why do I keep attaching myself to men who are showing me they aren't good for me?

What's going on inside of me that I need to face and start healing?

Why do I want to be chosen by the ‘bad boys?

Why do I want to be chosen by the man who is community dick?

Why do I want to be chosen by the man who—at his BIG AGE—is still running the streets?

Why do I want to be chosen by the man who is emotionally unavailable?

Why do I want to be chosen by the man who doesn’t want the same things as me?

Why do I want to be chosen by the man who is chaotic and constantly at war with himself?

Why do I want to be chosen by the man who shows me that he doesn’t care about me?"


See what I’m saying?


And if reading that made you feel uncomfortable or triggered, honestly that's a good thing. Discomfort and triggers are opportunities to learn more about yourself, so go ahead and let them guide you away from the ain't shit men you've been focused on, and back to yourself.


Everything starts and ends with self.

That's been my motto from the day I dove into my own inner work journey. In order to end my cycle of toxic, shitty relationships, I had to start centering myself. Was it hard at first? Yes, no shit lol; but I can honestly say that it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Slowly but surely, my life began changing for the better, I began changing for the better - and I owed myself that. I owed myself a better me, and girl, so do you! You owe yourself a better you and that can only start with you.

The truth is: You can only blame the type of men you’ve chosen to commit yourself to but for so long; eventually, you're going to have to face your mirror, be honest about the changes you need to make for yourself, then commit to them.


I hope this inspired you in some way. If nothing else, let it be food for thought. All I ask is that you finish your plate so you can go be great.


P.S If you want to know all about my own journey through toxic relationships with men AND myself…click here and read the books I’ve written.


Much love,






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