The most toxic relationship I have ever been in lasted just shy of eight years.
It ate up the majority of the second half of my twenties, and every now and again, took bites and nibbles out of my early thirties.
We were on and off, and while sometimes our “off” phases could easily last for several months, a lot of the times they were only physical. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and through text messages, we were still very much intertwined with and attached to one another.
Soul ties are a very real thing, and having one with the wrong person is very dangerous.
During those years, I filled up journals that were all about him—from conversations I had with him face to face and text message exchanges, to conversations I had with friends and family members about him, and all the confusing, chaotic, and absolutely delusional feelings I had about him.
Page after page, it was all about him…
or so I thought.
When I finally broke free from him for good, and the version of myself who kept going back to him, I went back to read all that I had written—it wasn’t easy.
Years ago, I thought everything I was writing was all about him…but that’s the difference between seeing things though unhealed and healed eyes.
If it takes two healthy people to be in, foster, and maintain a healthy relationship, then what would it take to be in, foster, and maintain a toxic one? Right.
You see, what I’ve learned since then is: at its very core, a toxic relationship is two people running from themselves, smacking head first into one another and deciding at a subconsious level, “Oh, this is perfect! Now I can use you to distract me from me.” – Now, how each party projects their own inner toxicites through words and actions, and uses the other party is a different story. There are levels to toxicity, many levels, and each party is responsible for their own levels.
What I saw throughout the pages of my journal was a young woman running from herself, constantly projecting the things that she wasn’t willing to do for herself onto someone who was doing the same thing, just in a different way.
I saw a young woman who thought she was committed to a man who was no good for her, but what she was really committed to was abandoning herself over and over again, so she didn’t have to look at herself, see herself; that was, until the day she hit her rock bottom, was left only with herself, and had no other choice but to take a good, long, hard look.
If you’ve landed on this page it’s probably because you’re already familiar with me either through my IG Lives or my podcast Sis, Get Your Ish Together. You know I’m 38 years young (yes, emphasis on young, thank you very much lol), and that I’ve been through a lot of shit when it comes to men, but also put myself through a lot of shit when it comes to men - and you know all of this already because of one reason, and one reason only: I tell the raw, unfiltered truth about the girl I used to be, and the work it took to become the woman I am now.
Because I know what it’s like to be on the UNmerry-go-round of toxic ass relationships, and the work it took to get off and stay off it, I’ve always been really passionate about helping women learn how to do the same.
About two and a half years ago, I put together the very first round of the No More Toxic Relationships eight week group coaching class. Two and a half years later…we are on round eleven.
Everyone takes things in and learns in different ways.
Some people need and prefer a lot of sugar to help the medicine go down, then there are others who need and prefer to take their medicine straight up, no chaser.
As you know, I’ve always been the latter, and the women who join my classes do so because they are the same.
No More Toxic Relationships isn’t about ain’t shit, toxic ass men - there are enough spaces on the internet that focus on that, and I’m sure you’ve been focused on that long enough.
No More Toxic Relationships is about focusing on yourself for a change - facing the shattered relationship you have with yourself that keeps you running back to, and/or staying with these ain’t shit, toxic ass men, then learning how to start doing the work that is required of you to repair it.
“Inner work is soooo hard though.” - is the sentence that used to come out of my mouth once upon a time, and a sentence that I hear come out of the mouths of so many other women on a daily basis, and to that, I say this: Inner work is hard - absolutely yes - but you know what else is hard?
Getting with the same type of man over and over again then crying every other day because of the way he treats you, speaks to you (or doesn’t speak to you) disrespects you, gives you the bare minimum and doesn’t give a shit about your feelings.
Continuing to chase the type of men who are showing you they are unavailable to meet your needs, but ignoring what they are showing you and instead “hoping” they will change for you.
Always having to make excuses for the behaviors of the ain’t shit, toxic ass men you attach yourself to.
Lying to yourself - and your friends and family - over and over again about the reality of your shitty relationships.
All of that is hard, sis. Hard on your mind, spirit, body, and self-esteem.
So, which of the two “hards” sound better?
A - The one that will require you to sit in the discomfort that comes with finally facing yourself in the mirror after having ran from yourself for so long, and being intentional about the work it takes to repair the shattered relationship you have with yourself, thus leading to eventually being able to look in the mirror and be proud of the woman staring back at you?
Or B - Spending the rest of your life the way you’re living it now: chasing after, sleeping with, and attaching yourself to toxic ass men who will never be able to meet your needs, thus driving your self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and emotional health further into the ground?
So, the choice is yours: Do you want to get better, or do you want to get worse? Because as the old saying goes - you can't heal in the same environment that makes you sick.
And as my saying goes: Being "sick and tired of ain't shit, toxic men" isn't enough. You have to be sick and tired of your own shit - the shit that keeps you chasing and going back to these ain't shit, toxic ass men.
The No More Toxic Relationships group class is broken down into eight modules:
Healing (Confronting the Woman in the Mirror)
Shadow Work (such an important part of inner work)
Understanding and Cutting Soul Ties
Self-Esteem and Boundaries (Getting Back to Yourself)
Navigating Dating and Relationships with Confidence
Reflections (A.K.A Girls Night)
Throughout the entire class we will be working on:
Understanding healing, building/rebuilding the relationship with yourself, getting/finding closure, soul ties, honesty with self, reframing, love-bombing (and how you also love-bomb without realizing it), boundaries and dating boundaries, self-worth, red, green, and yellow flags.
There will also be a bonus module - reparenting - that will be given to you as a replay. You will also be given both of my Sis, Get Your Ish Together inner work journals (PDF versions).
The length of each module will be one hour and thirty minutes, once a week, and will include exercises (both in class work and homework).
Note: There are only 40 seats available per round/class.
So, all of that said, this eight week class is only going to be for you if: You're ready to do your work, face your own wounds and roots, and are willing to commit to your growth - even when you’re coming face to face with things about yourself that might make you a little uncomfortable.
Will this work be easy? Probably not.
Will this work be worth it? Working on yourself is always worth it, sis. Always.
Class will be done via Zoom and will be recorded, so if you sign up but can’t make it to one of the modules, it’s totally okay, everyone who signed up will get the replay sent to them via email the following day.
The No More Toxic Relationships group class is now only held four times a year.
Seats for this eight week group class are 555USD and are now open to book. Use holiday code BIRTHDAY at checkout to get 222USD off the entire class - because it's my birthday today :)
Class starts again on Sunday, March 10th, at 7pm EST.
If you made it this far and you’re ready, click the button below.